It's Where My Demons Hide
by Unoriginality
Summary: He'd looked at him with love. Bucky would do anything to see that again. (Winter Soldier spoilers.)


I think this may be the first time I've put in author notes. This fic is best read after This Is My Kingdom Come, and is lyrically connected to it. Since does not allow quoting other source materials, I highly recommend going to my website (Chaotic Library) and reading it properly with lyrics quoted. The entries are public and allow anonymous commenting if you so choose.

* * *

His eyes had looked at him with love. The Winter Soldier had never seen that, not from Hydra, not from anyone.

Anyone but him.

There was something true in those words, something he couldn't quite remember, but knew too well, when those eyes looked at him.

He wanted to see that love again, wanted to see if it was as true as he thought. For better or worse, the Winter Soldier was on a new mission, one to protect Steve Rogers, to make sure those eyes could shine for him again.

But he couldn't go to see that unless he knew for sure he wasn't just hallucinating, imagining something he wanted to be there. A trip to the memorial in the museum told him that what Steve had said was real, genuine, and that love really was there.

Bucky remembered. He remembered giving up when he heard Steve had died. What else did he have to live for? But Steve was alive and well, and still finding trouble. And he'd continue to find trouble as long as Hydra was still out there.

So Bucky would protect him.

While Steve tried to track Bucky down, Bucky followed him, a silent shadow just over his shoulder, watching and waiting, little bits and pieces coming back as he watched his friend search. The love was there. The concern was real. And Steve wasn't backing down. Just like Bucky remembered.

* * *

A handful of memories and some impressions of emotions were not enough for Bucky to approach Steve. He was Bucky, but the Winter Soldier still hung just over his shoulder.

The two sides of him battled each other. The Winter Soldier wanted to run, find a place to hide. He hadn't forgotten that Pierce had said they only needed him one more time before the helicarriers took flight. That meant either he'd be put down, or into cryo for the rest of who knew how long. He'd be useless. And useless weapons were thrown away.

Bucky just wanted to go home. Bucky was more interested in protecting Steve after they took down the helicarriers. Hydra may have thrown the Winter Soldier away, but they'd go after Steve and the others that helped him.

He wasn't sure how much he cared about the others, but Steve would need his help.

But the Winter Soldier didn't know how to protect, only how to kill. Bucky tried to reason with the inner voice, that protecting involved killing the ones after the person you were protecting, but the Winter Soldier was having none of it.

But even he admitted they couldn't run from Steve forever.

So they approached Steve's new apartment, and knocked on the door.

When Steve answered, stared at him with hope and love in those blue eyes, the Winter Soldier gave in, and Bucky went home.

* * *

Even though Steve knew that not everything had come back, and possibly some of it would never return, Bucky tried to act like nothing had changed. He did his best to act the way he remembered being, although the desire to womanize had been completely wiped and with all the issues that would forever sit on his mind, he was just as glad he wouldn't feel like getting involved with a woman.

He didn't want to let Steve see the pain, didn't want to let him down that Bucky had come home. Steve was just so earnest and hopeful about Bucky's well-being and the end of the Winter Soldier, that Bucky didn't have the heart to disappoint him.

But the Winter Soldier was part of who he was now, a past that would never go away.

Steve caught him brooding perhaps too much for Bucky's personality, catching him staring out the window blankly. Steve would put an arm around Bucky's shoulder and tell him it was okay, the past part of the present or not, they were still friends, no matter what happened.

Bucky would try to tell him that it was too dangerous for him to be around Steve, that the Winter Soldier was still there, but he'd look up and see that love again, a lifetime of friendship, and the Winter Soldier would silence and Bucky would smile despite himself.


End file.
